This article originally appeared in the November-December 2007 issue of the Children's Advocate, published by Action Alliance for Children.

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Arguments and solutions

Children’s books show a variety of strategies for cooperating to resolve conflicts

By Ben Peterson

Childhood—and adult—friendships include their share of arguments, fights, and other conflicts. Learning ways to work together to resolve these conflicts is a valuable life lesson. The following children’s books demonstrate the different ways friends can get into conflicts—and a variety of ways to resolve them.

Sorry, story by Jean Van Leeuwen, illustrations by Brad Sneed. Two brothers, Ebenezer and Obadiah, happily share chores on a farm until one winter morning when Obadiah complains that there are lumps in his oatmeal. Insulted, Ebenezer tosses the bowl onto his brother’s head. Now both brothers are so angry that they split up the house and create two farms with a stone wall between them. They both marry, have children, grandchildren, even great-grandchildren. None of them speak to each other, though they can’t remember why. One day at the stone wall, one brother’s great-grandson accuses the other’s of stealing an apple. The boy quickly says, “Sorry!” The two decide to share the apples and spend the afternoon laughing together. This folksy story reveals the ridiculous results of stubbornness and shows how an apology can quickly end a feud. Ages five to seven. (Phyllis Fogelman Books, 2001)

Luka’s Quilt, story and illustrations by Georgia Guback. Luka, the young Hawaiian narrator in this story, is very close to her grandmother, Tutu. They enjoy doing many activities together until, one day, making a floral quilt, they get into an argument. Tutu insists the traditional quilt should include only two colors. Luka wants more. When Luka insults the quilt, Tutu gets upset and they stop talking to each other. A few days later, however, Tutu declares a truce so they can both enjoy Lei Day. She explains that a truce is when people put aside their differences for a while. During the truce, they both have a good time. Tutu lets Luka make a nontraditional lei of many colors, inspiring them to create another colorful lei made of quilt materials. This charming tale demonstrates the benefits of putting aside differences. Ages four to seven. (Greenwillow Books, 1994)

Number Uno, story by Alex and Arthur Dorros, illustrations by Susan Guevara. Socrates is intelligent and Hercules is strong. Each constantly argues that his gift makes him the most important person in their small village. When the villagers are building a bridge, they ask for help from both of them but grow so tired of their argument that they send them away for three days while they decide who is most important. After three days of arguing, the two return. The villagers have decided that both are equally important but only when they work together. Ages four to seven. (Abrams Books for Young Readers, 2007)

The Hating Book, story by Charlotte Zolotow, illustrations by Ben Shecter. The young girl who narrates this story says she hates her friend. She tells her mother that her friend ignores her, won’t sit with her, and doesn’t pick her for teams. The mother suggests asking why but the girl refuses. Finally, she is convinced to confront her friend, who explains that she had thought (mistakenly) that the narrator had insulted her dress. Talking through the misunderstanding, the two quickly make up. This story shows how miscommunication can escalate into an emotional conflict and how talking through them can be the solution. Ages three to six. (Harper Trophy, 1969)

Fishing for Methuselah, story and illustrations by Roger Roth. Though Ivan and Olaf have always been best friends, they’ve spent their lives trying to outdo each other. In the Winter Carnival, they plan to compete in the Ice Sculpture Contest and, most importantly, the Ice Fishing Contest. Setting out to catch Methuselah, the biggest fish, their competitiveness leads them too far out on the ice. With a little help from Methuselah, the ice breaks and the friends are soon fighting for their lives—together. With a little help from Methuselah, again, they make it back safely. In honor of the great fish, they collaborate on a sculpture of Methuselah and win the contest together. Ages five to seven. (Harper Collins, 1998)

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Extra resources from the Children’s Advocate bulletin

• Nonviolence in the Lives of Children Project compiles a list of children's books that explore a variety of themes, including nonviolence, community, caring, diversity, and bullying.

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