This article originally appeared in the January-February 1998 Children's Advocate newsmagazine, published by Action Alliance for Children. Also see the accompanying stories, "Divorcing Reality," "Divorce from Other Viewpoints," and "My Life as a Game Piece."

Divorce Doesn't Go Away

The new Wallerstein-Lewis study traces 25 years of the effects of divorce on children

By Claudia Miller

A quarter-century after a group of middle-class Marin County couples got divorced, their children are still suffering.

So says a study that chronicled the lives of 26 children whose parents divorced in 1972, when the children were between two and six years old. The results of the study, The Long Term Impact of Divorce on Children: A First Report from a 25-Year Study, by Judith Wallerstein, the country's foremost researcher of divorce, and co-author Julia Lewis, a San Francisco State University clinical psychologist, were published in June.

Few parents get divorced without thinking of how it will impact their children. But what has surprised family researchers is how long the effects of divorce last. The children in this study are now approaching 30. Divorce has been a major factor in their experiences growing up, and Wallerstein and Lewis contend that "its impact increases over time."

When the parents first got divorced, the children reported feeling lonely, ashamed, and terrified that they would be abandoned and starve. In their early teens, half the children became involved in serious drug or alcohol abuse. As they entered their twenties, more than half had completed less education than their well-educated parents, and nearly half were below their parents' socioeconomic level. Most also had a difficult time establishing long-term relationships and were apprehensive about marriage because they didn't want to put their own children through a divorce.

Divorce also brought financial problems, even to these middle-class Marin families. Many mothers returned to work and/or school. Several moved to smaller homes, although most managed to stay in the same neighborhood.

Critics of this study (see "Divorcing Reality") point to the small size and lack of diversity in the group of families. But Lewis said when the results have been tested in larger, more diverse populations, "the findings have by and large stood up."

How can families, child care providers, teachers, community groups, and friends help lessen the impact of divorce on children?

People who work with children should take care not to make these children feel different, Lewis said. But caregivers can be alert for signs that the child is upset or depressed. "The children in our study said they did appreciate extra attention, especially when it was provided privately."

Teachers can notify the principal if parents are going through divorce, and the school can often arrange for counseling or support groups. Extended families generally did not play a large role for the Marin County children, Lewis said, but "some of the children had grandparents or others who were available and really made a difference."

The children in the study reported a lack of after-school or community programs. "One of the common complaints is that they went home after school and there was nothing to do. There weren't many organized activities, the mothers were out working a second or third job, and their older siblings were left to care for them. Any type of structured after-school program would have been helpful."

It's also important, if children live with one parent (typically the mother), that the father find ways to develop strong bonds with them. Many of the Marin County children reported feeling distant from their fathers, most of whom remarried shortly after the divorce. "Regular visitation doesn't entwine the father's and child's daily lives together. What children need is all the little things, like getting up in the morning together, struggling with brushing teeth. All those things over the years add up to a life together. The father has to remain really involved in his children's daily lives, really emotionally involved."

Conservative groups around the nation are using this study to support their campaign to make divorce more difficult: getting rid of no-fault divorce, mandating a waiting period, and mandating counseling. But authors Wallerstein and Lewis say that isn't the answer. There are some situations, especially those involving physical, sexual, or verbal abuse, where divorce is necessary and even beneficial to families.

"To mandate a waiting period would really go against all the progress that has been made in women's and children's rights," Lewis said. "But having said that, the findings from this study definitely indicate that parents should be really thoughtful and plan well."

She strongly urges parents thinking about divorce to turn to the numerous mental health and parent counseling programs offered through religious or community groups. "It's difficult for parents to find the time to get help," she said. "But some of the families in our study said they felt absolutely unprepared and overwhelmed before they received some counseling."

She'd also like to see periodic reviews of visitation arrangements. "It's the one thing we feel strongly on--as the children grow older, their needs change and the arrangements should be reviewed. The children should have a chance to say what works for them," she said.

And things might not be all bleak, she adds. As the children enter their thirties, several had given up earlier drug and alcohol abuse and had found steady jobs and stable relationships. "Some of the difficulties these children faced in their twenties might have been universal to all young adults. The twenties are a difficult time in this society, and it could be that the future is hopeful."

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