This article originally appeared in the March-April 2000 issue of the Children's Advocate newsmagazine, published by Action Alliance for Children.

Families gathering

At "family decision meetings," family and friends work out solutions for troubled families

By Jessine Foss

Like a growing number of child welfare agencies across the country, Stanislaus County Community Services Agency (CSA) has been tapping an unexpected resource for helping families whose children are being neglected or abused—the families themselves.

In the "family decision meeting" model, it is parents, extended family, and close friends who make and carry out a plan for the child's well-being, drawing on their own resources and on community supports such as drug treatment or housing assistance. Child welfare staffers guide, coordinate, and facilitate family meetings where these plans are made. Meanwhile, the children may be still at home, with a relative, or in foster care.

Traditionally, says Teri Kook, Stanislaus County chief of child welfare services, the child welfare worker was "making huge decisions for children. Now they can share that with people who know the child better, who have a longer history with the child, and who will be there after the case is closed."

Wayne Mott, family decision meeting coordinator, remembers one family who kept saying, "this is not going to work, we hate each other." In fact, the meeting went so well that the family all went out for pizza together afterwards. They had come up with a "wonderful plan of safety for the child. Everyone was surprised, including the social worker."

The family-based decision-making process

• First the child welfare worker proposes a family decision meeting to the parent. "Most are eager to participate," says social worker Kilolo Brodie.
• The parent and social worker list extended family and close friends to be invited by an agency coordinator. These participants may add others, and service providers may also be included, along with the social worker.
• The meeting begins with family members listing their strengths, guided by an agency facilitator.
• The participants discuss immediate concerns, such as drug use or truancy, and underlying issues.
• The facilitator and social worker leave the meeting and allow the family to come up with a plan that will resolve the concerns and provide a safe environment for the child.
• The family's plans are approved unless they jeopardize the child's safety or violate a court order.

In Stanislaus County, three-fourths of parents have followed through with plans developed in the family decision meeting. After the family meetings, two-thirds of the children who had been in foster care with strangers returned to live with relatives.

Two U.S. studies of family decision meetings have found that this approach reduces the number of children in foster care. Researchers in Canada found that families are "better off" after family decision meetings because of greater family unity, improved care for children, and reduced substance abuse and family violence.

What makes it work

• Making it voluntary: Parents are "making an incredibly courageous choice" in opening up to the extended family, says Kook. Social Worker Carolyn O'Neal says parents accused of mistreatment are "amazed to be included in decision-making processes." They feel their dignity is restored.
• Making it comfortable: The meeting is held at a time and place chosen by the family and conducted in the family's language, with translation for service providers if needed. The family's cultural customs are honored and food is served.
• Creating solutions to underlying problems: In one meeting, says Family Decision Meeting Coordinator Sou Yang, a public health nurse taught a young mother how to care for her diabetic child and set up a home-visiting schedule. Also, the meeting reconnected the mother with the child's father and his family, who had experience with diabetes. In another meeting, a teen who had been cutting school told family members she was lonely and bored. Her uncle agreed to take her to the gym once a week, her aunt agreed to stop by on another day, and the rest of the family also increased their involvement. She had a remarkable turnaround without needing traditional services, says Kook. Many parents need housing, transportation, or respite care, which family members offer to provide.
• Including children: Children are included if the parent and social worker think it is appropriate. It's especially important to include teens, says Kook.
• Starting with strengths: Mott remembers one mother who said "I've never heard so many positive things about my family," whose members had been estranged for a long time. He adds that the meeting "totally changed my relationship with that mother." Also, listing strengths helps children know that the situation is not their fault and helps the family begin to come together and reconnect.
• Leaving time for the family alone: This allows family members to talk freely and make decisions based on what they know but may not tell a social worker. For example, Mott says that after one meeting, the social worker asked why a particular uncle wasn't chosen to take the child. The answer was that the family knew he had molested other children. The alone time helps families begin to work together despite past differences and feel more ownership over the plan.

Tough issues

Sometimes family problems make it difficult or impossible to hold family decision meetings.

A meeting may not be held, for example, if the parent insists on vetoing a key participant. If the problem is that the parent doesn't feel safe, social workers may arrange to have a security guard outside the door during "family alone" time.

The agency is still discussing how to handle meetings where domestic violence is an issue. County policy is to include family members, even if they have abused partners or molested children—a policy some family-violence experts would dispute. When families have a restraining order against an abusive member, that person may participate by speaker phone or in writing.

Custody disputes can also torpedo family meetings. Family Decision Meeting Coordinator Kathleen Grundy says that one mother canceled a meeting because the father told her in front of the children, "there's this big meeting coming up and you're going to jail and I'll get the kids."

Despite these challenges, Kook says the family decision model is improving her agency's ability to strengthen families and protect children. And Grundy says this approach has spread to other county social services: "It's had a strong influence on the way we do business."

Rallying support for an aunt

One family decision meeting was called because a Native American aunt was not taking adequate care of her nephews. The 20 people at the meeting included mental health counselors, a tribal representative, two attorneys, and an Indian heritage social worker—especially important because some of the problems between the agency and the aunt turned out to be cultural issues, says the family decision meeting coordinator. Social workers wanted the aunt to be more proactive in the children's education, but the aunt thought that would be disrespectful toward the teachers. At the meeting, the family encouraged her to participate and pledged to support her. The family meeting facilitator adds that the family "built an amazing safety net" that enabled the aunt to care for the children, though the social worker hadn't thought she would be able to. And the tribe supported the decision. "It could have been very ugly," says the coordinator. "Instead it was more clear and simple with family involvement."

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