This article originally appeared in the March-April 2006 issue of the Children's Advocate, published by Action Alliance for Children.

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Raising kids:

More than just child’s play

Parents and experts talk about how—and why—to play with babies

By Amanda Montague

When Stephanie Jamgochian’s twin girls were born premature, “they slept a lot. Even though (I knew about) the importance of play, I started second guessing what I was doing. I think play has increased our bond. I see it in how they look at me, how they smile and laugh, and that makes me want to play with them even more.” Parents and early childhood experts offer tips for playing with babies—and talk about why it’s important.

Learning by play

“Play is the way that children first relate to other people, but also (how) they understand and learn how to master their environment,” says Mariam Jafari, mother of a one-year-old girl.

• Forming attachments: As Jamgochian says, playing with babies helps develop the strong parent-child bonds that help kids thrive.

• Brain development: “Research shows most brain development is taking place in the first three years,” says Ramee Brown, coordinator of Constructing Connections.

• Learning to move: Playing helps babies and toddlers learn how to move and hold objects, says Indira Caunin, a public health nurse with the Nurse Family Partnership.

• Social skills: “Play has helped my children learn to share, disagree, and explore,” says Rachel Ross Steidl, mother of three children and founder of ParentClick.com.

• School readiness: “Repetition and singing songs help get (babies) comfortable with skills they will need in school. Just letting your child hold a book turns reading into something fun,” says John Lopez, prevention and early intervention program manager at the Family Ambassador Project.

Overcoming hesitations

Parents may feel awkward or reluctant to play with their baby. Marlin Darby, mother of three, says she was afraid of “teaching (her son) to be a sissy.” But she told herself, “When (boys) grow up, they become fathers, they need to learn to be gentle. It’s okay to play with them and hold them.”

“In my culture, (people believe) your children won’t respect you if you play with them,” says Ana Jimenez, a Long Beach mother with two sons. “It was difficult to overcome. It helped to have a nurse do home visits with my family and also watching other mothers play with their children.”

“Some Chinese parents don’t know how to play with infants because they didn’t experience that growing up,” adds Angel Kwok, the former Early Head Start home-based program specialist for Wu Yee Services. Child-rearing methods that work in traditional cultures may be different from what is expected in the U.S. today. Play groups, parent groups, and infant-toddler classes “give you a chance to interact with other parents and see how (they) do things,” says Ross Steidl.

Talk to your baby

“The most important thing parents can do is talk, even when you’re sure that (the baby) can’t understand. You’re making the child feel recognized, building a bond, and stimulating (learning skills),” says Allana Elovson, the director of Parent Education Resources.

“When nursing, in a very soft voice, you can talk to your baby,” says Jafari. “Make a noise, and then the baby makes a noise, and keep going like that. With my baby, sometimes the noise was too much. Light touching would help her calm down.”

Ross Steidl talks to her children “about everything we are doing and seeing. At the park, I ask questions while we play with sand, climb on play structures, explore flowers,” she says.

Echo what your baby does

“When my son was 7 months old,” says Donna Waldman, mother of one year old boy, “we’d read the same story. At first, he would just bang on the book, then I would bang on the book. When he was 5 or 6 months old, he screeched a lot. I would screech back, and he would stop and look at me. I think he learned, ‘This was fun, and what I do affects (others).’”

Jafari recalls playing with her daughter’s stuffed dog. “I gave the dog a kiss, and put the dog on my chest. She took the dog, gave the dog a kiss, and put the dog to her chest and made nursing sounds. We played that for a long time.”

Include play during everyday activities—and with everyday items

Playing with your baby doesn’t have to be “pushing toy cars or dressing up dolls,” says Ross Steidl. “When you’re doing laundry, infants can have a blast being put in the middle of the laundry pile and climbing out of it.”

“I would give Johnny items to put in a plastic cup,” says Jimenez, “and he would play putting them in and taking them out.” Waldman says her son used Tupperware for instruments or would “pretend they were hats and go around giggling with Tupperware on his head.”

Jamgochian’s adds that her daughters “love playing with blankets and pillows, they like to feel different textures. They like looking at magazines or junk mail.”

“I taught my children sign language,” says Jan Tengel, mother of twins. “It is fun to do while we wait. I make everything a game. Washing spoons and bowls in soapy water at the sink, learning ABCs with songs, numbers with clapping.”

“Even the grocery store can be fun,” says Ross Steidl, “when you push the cart quickly down the aisle, or make silly faces, or let kids hold a banana and pretend it’s a phone.”

Play games—and get moving

“My girls love when I sing to them,” says Jamgochian, “especially songs (with gestures), because they hear me and see me. Rebecca (started putting) her hands up during Itsy Bitsy Spider and I got really excited. I praised her, so she kept doing it. When I play one-on-one with the girls they seem more secure, not as needy or whiny.”

Waldman says her son “loves balls. We take turns, or pass the ball to each other. He smile(s) when he get(s) the ball from me.”

Tengel says her twins “love music and motion, rocking and singing. We play around the house chasing and catching and tickling. We all love to dance together. The most interesting play for my kids is interactive with me,” she adds.

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Resources

• Zero to Three: parent tips in English and Spanish, www.zerotothree.org/ztt_parents.html

• National Association for the Education of Young Children, www.naeyc.org/ece/research.asp

• For parenting classes, contact your child care resource and referral agency or your local First 5 Commission.

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