This article originally appeared in the July-August 2005 issue of the Children's Advocate, published by Action Alliance for Children.

Bookbasket: Friendship skills

These books show children learning to empathize, cooperate, and live happily with others

By Ben Peterson

The enjoyment that children feel when spending time with friends and in small and large social groups is often accompanied by challenges and conflicts. In the following children’s books, the characters learn that sharing, empathizing, and apologizing are essential ways for them to better understand each other and develop rewarding friendships.

It’s Mine! story and illustrations by Leo Lionni. Lionni’s fable introduces Milton, Rupert, and Lydia, three selfish frogs living on a small island in Rainbow Pond. Milton says the water is “mine”; Rupert claims the earth is “mine”; and Lydia, when jumping up for butterflies, insists the air is “mine.” Their constant claims of “mine, mine, mine” get so loud that a large toad from a neighboring island complains he gets no peace. Ignoring him, the three frogs continue their behavior until a flood forces them off the island. After the three frogs are saved by sharing an unlikely “rock”, they realize the error of their selfish ways. Now they share the island and everything is “ours, ours, ours.” Lionni’s classic tale provides the perfect opportunity to talk with children about the importance of sharing. Ages four to six. (Alfred A. Knopf, 1985)

Zinnia and Dot, story and illustrations by Lisa Campbell Ernst. Zinnia and Dot are vain chickens who live next to each other but refuse to interact except to brag. One day while they are bragging, a weasel sneaks in and steals all their eggs but one. With each insisting that the remaining egg is hers, Zinnia and Dot are forced to warm the egg unhappily together, still refusing to be friends. When the weasel returns, though, these two chickens put aside their differences and work together to save the egg, creating a successful partnership that develops into a happy friendship. Ages five through seven. (Viking, 1992)

Pumpkin Soup, story and illustrations by Helen Cooper. Cooper’s creatively illustrated story revolves around the forest household of a cat, a squirrel, and a duck. These three animals each contribute in different ways to their happy lifestyle, making pumpkin soup and playing music. But when the duck decides he wants to switch cooking jobs, their happiness is shaken. A fight ends with them separating. Finally, after a brief scare, they realize the importance of their friendship and of understanding each other’s needs—at least until the duck decides he wants to play a new instrument. Ages four through seven. (Farrar, Straus Giroux, 1998)

Alfie Gives a Hand, story and illustrations by Shirley Hughes. Alfie, the lovable star of several Hughes’ books for young children, attends his nursery-school friend Bernie’s birthday party. Since it’s his first birthday party at a friend’s house, Alfie is nervous and brings his blanket. Eventually, though, he relaxes and begins to have fun playing games with his friends. As readers watch Alfie learning to enjoy himself in a large group, they are also shown the stark differences between Alfie’s sweet, helpful behavior and the aggressive behavior of Bernard, and how those behaviors affect their shy classmate, Min. Ages four to six. (Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Books, 1983)

Matthew and Tilly, story by Rebecca C. Jones and illustrations by Beth Peck. Matthew and Tilly, close city neighbors and best friends, spend their days playing happily together. When Matthew accidentally breaks Tilly’s purple crayon, they get into a fight, call each other names, and separate. As they spend time playing alone, they realize that games aren’t as much fun apart. Finally they apologize, which solves the problem and allows them to play together again. Peck’s rich drawings depict these two friends as they remember the importance of friendship and learn the simplest way to end an argument. Ages five to seven. (Dutton Children’s Books, 1991)

Voices in the Park, story and illustrations by Anthony Browne. Accompanied by imaginative, superbly detailed illustrations, Browne’s story shows the vastly different perspectives of several characters interacting in the park. The characters, a proper mother, her lonely son, an unemployed father, and his confident young daughter, each perceive their time in the park in different ways. Using vivid first-person accounts, the story reveals how their perceptions and actions affect each other. Browne’s story, beyond being quite entertaining, offers an excellent chance for adults and young readers to discuss how their own perceptions affect and are affected by others. Ages five to seven. (DK Publishing, 1998)

Return to top

Action Alliance
for Children
e-mail aac@4children.org
1201 Martin Luther
King Jr. Way
Oakland, CA 94612
(510) 444-7136